Roger And The No Good Very Bad Word

By: Dwayne Eric McLeod

During Sam & Roger's childhood, let's just say, Roger was very sheltered. I think the sheltering had a lot to do with making him the moron we know and love today. That Roger, always making us laugh with his utter stupidity.

 

"Can we get a TV, Dad?" Roger asked, with a little tear in his eye.

 

"No, son! TV is of the Devil. Those people on the TV screen are trapped inside that box!" Mr. Moron... Err, Morrison, said to his dumb son.

 

"Now, go read your Bible and think about what Jesus would do. Watching people trapped inside a box and doing nothing to help them? I raised you better than that!" Mr. Morrison continued.

 

"Yes, Dad!" Roger politely answered.

 

Little did Mr. Morrison know, his son had a rebellious side. Instead of reading his Bible like a good boy, Roger read and enjoyed comic books. And a new title was out:

 

"The Seven Foot Ninja #1!!!" Roger excitedly said out loud.

 

"What was that, son?" Roger's dad questioned.

 

"Sh, Honey! Roger is just excited about reading his Bible like a good boy! Must be a Bible story about ninjas!" Mrs. Morrison interrupted from her separate bed on the other side of their bedroom.

 

Yes, these two watched a lot of classic shows growing up and thought husbands and wives actually slept in separate beds.

 

Idiots!

 

And to think, they got on their son's case for wanting a TV. Seems a little hypocritical, eh?

 

When morning arrived, after reading his awesome new comic, Roger got up and saw his mom cooking breakfast.

 

"Hey, Son, grab a plate. I picked some grass from the back yard and for dessert; you have twigs and leaf juice!" Mrs. Morrison said. Wow, that sounds like a horrible breakfast...

 

"Actually, Mom, can I go over to Sam's?" Roger interrupted.

 

"I guess so. You're a good boy. Just remember to take your Bible. Also, don't forget to tell Sam's parents I hate them."

 

"Yes, Mom!"

 

Sam lived right next door to the Morrisons so getting there was no big deal. Both families had a lot of land though. When Roger's parents weren't looking, he tossed his Bible back in his room and grabbed some comic books. He then covertly snuck out the back door. When he arrived to Sam's house, he saw his friend playing an awesome video game. Sam had a TV!

 

"Oh, hey, Roger! Want to play?" Sam announced, excited to see his friend.

 

"I can't. My parents say TV and video games are evil. Also, my mom said to tell your parents she hates them!" Roger replied.

 

"My parents hate them too! And really? You can't watch TV or play games?"

 

"I don't even HAVE a TV!"

 

"Wait, WHAT? Are you Amish or something?"

 

"Actually, I think Amish kids have more fun. But I do read a lot of comics that my parents don't know about..."

 

"You read comics your parents don't KNOW about? They don't let you read comic books either?"

 

"Nope, I have to sneak them and hide them under my bed. My Dad says the pictures are living people trapped inside the pages."

 

"Wow, your dad is stupid."

 

"Haha, yeah!"

 

"Anyway, lighten up, dude! Let's play this game!"

 

"Okay! What is it called?"

 

"Killer Instinct. It's a fighting game. I put on the blood option!"

 

Killer Instinct, huh? Man, that brings back memories... Oh, I'm still writing a story? Enough about my nostalgia!

 

Anyway, the two kids played Killer Instinct for hours and Sam kept losing to Roger.

 

"OH, FART, HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD AT THIS GAME WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A TELEVISION?" Sam shouted.

 

In that one question, Roger made an awesome discovery. It was the word "Fart." He never heard such a bad and hilarious word in all his life.

 

"Wow, what was that glorious word you just said?" Roger questioned.

 

"What? I don't remember..." Sam answered.

 

"It started with an F."

 

"What? Fart? I say it all the time!"

 

"It's incredible! I'm going to use that word from now on..."

 

"Cool... Whatever, dude!"

 

After a long day of playing video games and reading comics with his friend, Roger went back home.

 

"How was your day, Son? What did you and Sam do together?" Mrs. Morrison questioned.

 

"Oh, we read the Bible ALL DAY! That Moses is an awesome guy!" Roger lied.

 

"That is very good, son! I'm glad your friend isn't as stupid as his stupid idiot parents."

 

After patting him on the head, Roger was walking to his room when he suddenly hit his toe on the door. The words that came out of his mouth would be his greatest regret ever!

 

"OH, FART!" Roger screamed in agony.

 

Suddenly, he saw his mom's head turn as red as a beet. It was like the devil himself entered into his mom's face.

 

"WHAT WAS THAT?!!!" His mom screamed in anger.

 

"What, Mom? Fart?" Roger questioned in a panic.

 

Before Roger could even blink, his mom took off her belt and spanked him for what seemed for hours. Roger was crying like a baby the whole time. It was actually funnier than it was horrifying...

 

"Phyllis! PHYLLIS!" Roger screamed out to his rubber ducky.

 

"IF YOU EVER BRING THAT WORD IN THIS HOUSE AGAIN, IT WILL BE YOUR DAD SPANKING YOU NEXT TIME!" Mrs. Morrison screamed.

 

"Yes, Mom!" Roger replied.

 

"Where did you learn such a filthy word? I think I know where! It was that idiot friend of yours, wasn't it?"

 

"It wasn't Sam's fault, Mom!"

 

"Oh my goodness! I should have known better than to let you hang out with those Hicks people. They are poisoning you!" Roger's mom said as she began to cry.

 

Wow, this whole situation is pretty dumb, huh? All because he said "Fart?" That's not even that bad of a word, really. It's actually kind of funny in my opinion...

 

"You've broken your mother's heart! I want you to think about that really long and hard! Go read your Bible. I THOUGHT I HAD A GOOD BOY! Now you will go to bed without supper!"

 

"But, Mom! I want twigs! I'm hungry!"

 

"After what you've said, you won't be having twigs for a while. You will be having spaghetti till you've learned your lesson!"

 

"Aw, MAN!"

 

Um, wow, spaghetti sounds much better, actually, but I'm not a moron like the Morrisons. I'm not even sure how you can possibly DIGEST twigs? Oh well...

 

Moral of the story: You can't fix stupid... Yeah, that kind of works!

 

-The End