Does Everybody Know What Time It Is?

Hey, guys! Did you think S&R would be gone forever? Nope, here's an update. I'm going with a simpler style for now just so I don't burn out again. S&R is NOT dead and more updates will be coming your way. I'll add more stories as well. I've started some new series on my main blog and I've been working on those for a while. I just felt burned out with S&R and I wanted to try some new things and I feel like my mind and body are refreshed. One series in particular I'm having a blast with is called The Nut and His Cat, a semi-autobiographical short story series starring me and Julian (Though we remain unnamed in the series.) It's been a lot of fun. I know I've been neglecting S&R but we're back. The guys have missed y'all and I've missed them. There's also something I want to do. I want to go back into the beginning of the series and take out three comic strips I'm not pleased with. About three of them are tasteless in my opinion and I really DON'T know what I was thinking at the time. This series started BEFORE my walk with Jesus but a couple strips passed by me while a Christian that I'm unpleased with. The first collection will be out soon, though. I plan on editing the strips before publication, adding commentary and the works. I want it to be a hilarious book. I'll even add the first 5 short stories, since they're a prologue to the series. Well enjoy this little comic and God Bless you all! -Dwayne

The Bachelors

By: Dwayne Eric McLeod

 

With their college days behind them and starting their new professions, Sam and Roger knew they both needed a place to live besides going back to live with their terrible parents. Sam and Roger were now in their early twenties and it was time to find the perfect bachelor pad.

 

"Let’s live in a mansion!" Roger giggled with joy.

 

"A mansion? We don't make enough, idiot. Maybe one day!" Sam replied.

 

"Anyway, women don't want to be tied down to a man that still lives with his mommy so, we need to find a place." Sam continued.

 

"You're only thinking about women and not yourself?" Roger questioned.

 

"Well, yeah! A woman that is wife material, of course." Sam responded.

 

"But, if you get married, we won't be able to live together anymore." Roger said whilst frowning.

 

"I don't see a downside to what you just said. I really DON'T like living with you..." Sam replied.

 

"HEY! Take that back!" Roger insisted.

 

"Nope! The only reason we're finding a place together is because neither of us makes enough cash to go solo." Sam replied.

 

Sam and Roger entered into Sam's car and traveled all around Wondervalley, trying to find the perfect bachelor pad when they finally spotted an apartment complex that looked perfect for a couple bachelors.

 

"Roger, I think we've just found the promised land!" Sam insisted.

 

They immediately headed to the office to talk to the woman in charge of the place. The apartment complex was called Sunny Smiles Apartments... Sunny Smiles? Sounds like they need to brush their teeth...

 

"Hello, gentlemen, what can I do for you?" The woman, Mrs. Henry, asked.

 

"We would like to rent one of your townhouse apartments." Sam insisted.

 

"Wait... You're two men and you want to live together? Are you guys a couple?" Mrs. Henry asked.

 

"Eww, no! Even if I WAS gay, Sam is too much of a douche for my tastes." Roger replied.

 

"Oh, okay. How many rooms would you like?" Mrs. Henry asked.

 

"How about one! This guy will be sleeping on the patio..." Sam said while pointing to Roger.

 

"HEY! I am NOT sleeping on the patio. We would like two rooms and two bathrooms, please!" Roger interrupted.

 

"Why, yes! Say, have either of you ever served time for a crime?" Mrs. Henry asked.

 

"Yes, I work for the Mexican drug cartel. It's honest living, see! I have to feed my 12 kids SOMEHOW!" Sam answered jokingly.

 

"Sense of humor, I see? I like that! The apartment will be 500 a month. I will have to do a background check on you just to make sure you're no trouble, but you can move into the apartment right away." Mrs. Henry concluded.

 

Sam and Roger filled out the papers and they were all set for their new bachelor pad. The people at Sunny Smiles were very nice, but the apartment they lived in was even nicer. It had two floors, two bathrooms, two bedrooms, a large living room and kitchen. It also had both a patio and a balcony.

 

"THIS PLACE IS AMAZING!" Roger screamed with joy.

 

"Keep your trap shut, will yah? I'm trying to breathe it all in!" Sam said while breathing it all in.

 

"Should we throw a party, Sam?" Roger questioned.

 

"I don't know if that'd be wise. We JUST moved in..." Sam replied.

 

"Oh, come on, Sam! Live it up a little. Let's invite Debbie over!" Roger insisted.

 

"Debbie doesn't like you, dude! I don't know how many times I have to tell you that..." Sam replied.

 

"I have faith that one day, Debbie WILL like me. Invite her over!" Roger demanded.

 

"Okay, dude! But you know she's just going to talk to me!" Sam remarked.

 

Sam reluctantly agreed to throw a party with a bunch of their college friends. A lot of women came to the party as well. And even Debbie showed up. She was sitting in the corner, drinking a solo cup full of sweet tea. Sam approached her and they began to talk.

 

"Where's Mr. Creeper?" Debbie asked about Roger.

 

"Oh, he's around here somewhere. He's not as bad as you make him out to be." Sam insisted.

 

"I know that, but I still don't like him all that much!" Debbie replied.

 

"Well, you and I are friends at least. Can I get you some more tea?" Sam questioned.

 

"That sounds like a good idea. I'll be waiting for you, handsome." Debbie said as she winked.

 

Sam's entire face turned pink. He was blushing. He may be a douche but it seems he had the hots for Debbie as well. Sam poured her some more tea and rushed back to Debbie, where he saw Roger sitting next to her.

 

"Debbie, will you marry me? I'll die without you!" Roger asked repeatedly.

 

"How many times do I have to say NO? You're starting to freak me out!" Debbie replied repeatedly.

 

"Sam should be back any minute. Stay away from me, weirdo!" Debbie continued.

 

After a while of begging, Roger finally gave up and started talking to other women at the party. Surprisingly, the other girls seemed to flock to Roger. They thought he was charming. But the girl he wanted more than anything didn't even give him the time of day.

 

The party was a success and everyone left around 11 o'clock at night. Debbie gave Sam her home number, which made Roger very jealous. Instead of arguing with Sam, he just went to bed for the night. He may have been a creeper in the past, but he was really in love with Debbie who paid him no mind.

 

The next morning, however, girls from the party kept calling the house asking for Roger. Apparently, Roger was a real ladies man.

 

"Dude, I only got ONE number and women are calling YOU left and right!" Sam said whilst envying Roger.

 

"The only number that matters to me is Debbie's and that's the only one I didn't get." Roger said.

 

"Stop sulking, you moron! You did better than I did last night!" Sam insisted.

 

"Women are calling YOU! That's awesome, man!" Sam continued.

 

"The only one I want to call me is Debbie and she only wants to be with you!" Roger remarked.

 

"You're a real moron, you know? I envy YOU! I wish those girls were calling me. Debbie isn't even that great!" Sam insisted.

 

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!" Roger yelled.

 

"Fine, I take it back! But I urge you to call back at least one of those girls. One of them could be your future wife!" Sam insisted.

 

"My future wife is Debbie!" Roger replied.

 

"Debbie doesn't like you..." Sam responded.

 

And this conversation went on for hours when Sam finally got Roger to call back one of the women from last night. He talked to her for hours and they even went on a date. Roger ended up having a lot of fun and didn't even once think about Debbie.

 

And this was the start of their lives as bachelors. Women came and went like the changing of the winds. Roger was a charming moron and Sam, a good-looking douchebag. Seemed like Roger's relationships seemed to last a lot longer than Sam's.

 

And there you have it; the complete back story of Sam & Roger. Now I will begin to write about their current adventures as well as their fantasies, poems and even their reviews. Thank you all for reading these misadventures of two bozos who I love writing about. God Bless!

 

Moral of the story: Work for the Mexican drug cartel to feed your family... That's terrible advice! Oh well!!

 

-The End

The College Days

By: Dwayne Eric McLeod

So, after our previous tale, Debbie filed a restraining against Roger. It was now Sam and Roger's college days at Wondervalley U. Partying, boozing and women were NOT going to be what Sam & Roger's college days would be known for. Yup, they're boring Christians.

"Hey, Sam! What are you majoring in?" Roger questioned.

"I'm majoring in mechanics and taking a minor in art." Sam replied.

"What about you?" Sam continued.

"I'm going to become a teacher. Going off topic for a second, I asked my classmate Ronnie what his favorite worship song was. He looked at me like I was stupid." Roger mentioned.

"Ronnie is deaf, dude!" Sam replied.

"NO excuse! Don't they make music in Braille now?" Roger interrupted.

"Why, yes! How could I forget? It's like asking a blind person if they know sign language!" Sam replied whilst rolling his eyes.

"Anyway, moron, I have a serious test I need to study for. So, keep your trap shut!" Sam continued.

"Okay... Just one more thing! When will Debbie dump the restraining order against me? I miss her!" Roger questioned.

"Just give it six months and you'll be able to creep her again." Sam insisted.

"Thanks! I'm going to bed now! Goodnight!" Roger said.

"Night, pumpkin!" Sam replied jokingly.

Sam and Roger shared a dorm. Seemed fitting, since these two are going to live together a very LONG time, much to Sam's chagrin!

When morning arrived, Roger felt refreshed. Sam on the other hand, stayed up the entire night studying. Roger looked at Sam and noticed his eyes were completely bloodshot.

"You stayed up ALL night to study for your test?" Roger questioned.

"SHUT UP!" Sam yelled.

"Wait, what? I just asked a question..." Roger replied.

"Ask me another question and I'll break you!" Sam yelled some more.

Apparently when Sam lacked sleep, he was kind of a psychopath... Okay, not KIND OF, he IS a psychopath...

"I'm sorry, Sam! Have some coffee!" Roger insisted.

"Coffee? Good idea! Sorry, Roj! I turn into a madman without sleep." Sam replied.

As Roger continued to look at Sam, he noticed his eyes weren't only bloodshot, but filled with milky gunk. It looked terrible; like sour cream and expired milk with a yellow discharge... Is this description gross enough yet? GOOD!

"What are you looking at?" Sam asked.

"Dude, I think your eyes have an infection..." Roger replied.

"SHUT UP! It's because I have to look at YOUR ugly mug all day..." Sam screamed.

"Well... I'm going to class. You should probably pass on that test for the day..." Roger said while escaping the room before being pummeled to death by an angry Sam.

"I CAN'T pass up this test, you moron! My entire future DEPENDS on it... Speaking of which, I'm LATE!" Sam yelled, finally realizing he was the only one still in the room.

Sam ran as fast as he could to class. The professor wasn't pleased with his tardiness.

"Good to see you this morning, Mr. Hicks. With only seconds to spare! Take a seat!" The professor remarked.

Sam immediately took a seat as he was passed his test paper. Sam was panicking the whole time because he couldn't see. The infection in his eyes got worse. The worst part about it is he couldn't make out the words on the test.

In fear, he just kept filling out boxes on the test randomly until the test was over. He knew for certain he just flunked the biggest test of the year.

Sam, with the help of a couple college cuties, was led back to his dorm where Roger was already in his room.

"Hey, Sam! How did the test go?" Roger questioned.

"I think I've failed! I went blind due to the infection in my eyes and couldn't see the paper. So, I just filled it out randomly..." Sam said whilst crying.

"You can't see? I'll have to learn sign language now!" Roger remarked.

"You idiot! I'm blind, not deaf!" Sam yelled.

"Look on the bright side, though, Sam! You get to wear cool shades from now on!" Roger insisted, trying to cheer up his friend.

"If I could see your neck right now, Roger, I would strangle the life out of you!" Sam yelled some more.

"But think of all the possibilities of your blindness, Sam! Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles are fantastic at music because they are blind..." Roger continued.

"Please, stop talking. Being blind doesn't give me superpowers." Sam argued.

"Besides, I think it's only temporary. I had a couple guys bring me back to the dorm because I couldn't see..." Sam said.

"Guys? They were girls. Very cute girls I might add..." Roger interrupted.

"OH NO! I was touched by girls in an unbiblical way!" Sam panicked.

"Relax, Sam! They just held your hands to lead you back to the dorm..." Roger insisted.

"I was saving my hands for my future wife!" Sam cried.

"Sometimes I think you're an even bigger moron than me..." Roger argued.

Sam went right to bed and luckily the infection in his eyes cleared up overnight. He headed back to class reluctantly to see his test results.

"Mr. Hicks, despite only having seconds to spare before I locked the door yesterday, you ACED your test! I'm amazed you got ALL the answers right!" The professor remarked.

"You're a real idiot savant and I thought you were just an idiot! Well done, Hicks, well done!" The professor continued.

Not only did Sam get all the answers correct, no one else in the class did. He survived the first year of college with good marks.

Six months later, the restraining order against Roger was automatically lifted. The very minute it was lifted, Roger was at Debbie's dorm. Instead of being a creeper though, he left her a box of chocolates and flowers, with the card saying:

"I'm sorry for being such a creeper, Debbie! And don't worry! I didn't drug your chocolates!" -Roger

It was a sweet surprise, but Debbie still didn't know that much about Roger at the time and continued to avoid him.

Roger headed back to his dorm that night and saw Sam celebrating with wine.

"Wine, Sam? We don't drink..." Roger questioned.

"I was keeping this for a special occasion! I've passed with flying colors this year and I'm only one step away from becoming a mechanic." Sam remarked.

"Well, I have good news, too! The restraining order against me was lifted and I left Debbie some chocolates and flowers. I told her I'll stop being a creeper." Roger replied.

"So, pour me a glass of that, will yah?" Roger continued.

The two boys then chugged down a glass a piece and thought it was the most disgusting thing they ever tasted. And they were such lightweights, that they were both hung over in the morning. They spent the entire day throwing up with constant migraines. A good time was had by all!

Moral of the story: Being blind grants you superpowers... No, it doesn't!

-The End

Bombshell Debbie

By: Dwayne Eric McLeod

You may have thought that these dweebs, Sam and Roger, were awkward as prepubescent kids, but things got even CRAZIER when these idiots became teens. Their teenage hormones were raging; practically on fire, once they started going to Wondervalley High. You may have thought these idiots were annoying as children… Well, prepare to be even more annoyed by them.

It was the third month of high school in their freshman year. Roger was well-acquainted with his teachers, but was a total dork according to the other students. Sam, on the other hand, was popular with the students but NOT the teachers. The teachers didn’t like Sam too much because of his class pranks and refusal to take off his hat. He came up with many excuses to WHY he needed to wear the hat and the teachers thought it best not to fight him over it. Sam was on the Wondervalley High football team. The school mascot was a wombat for some stupid reason.

 

It was the last day of the school week when a new student was introduced to the class…

 

“Students, we have a new student. Go on, introduce yourself!” The teacher exclaimed.

 

“My name is Debbie Dearheart and I just moved here from Columbia. My dad is a Christian music producer and my mom is a chef. One day, I want to have a music store of my very own. It’s nice to meet y’all!” Debby nervously said.

 

Suddenly, Roger felt an embarrassing pain in his chest by looking at Debbie. He didn’t know what it was. He asked to be excused from class. He thought he was having a heart attack. The teacher told him to go to the school nurse right away.

 

“I feel nothing wrong with your heart, Mr. Morrison.” The nurse said to Roger.

 

“So, tell me everything that happened from the start and leave out no details. How did your chest start hurting?” The nurse continued.

 

“Well, there was a new student being introduced to the class and when I looked at her, it felt like my heart was about to burst. Is that life-threatening, doc?” Roger replied.

 

“It could be… You’re in LOVE, you moron!” The nurse concluded.

 

“OH NO! I’M TERMINAL!” Roger cried.

 

But Roger wasn’t the only one that liked Debbie. There was going to be a decade long competition against another man for Debbie’s affections. The other man in Debbie’s life was Roger’s own best friend, Sam Hicks.

 

As Roger was heading back to class, he saw Debbie and Sam sitting together, chatting and laughing. His entire face became beet red in a raging fury. Smoke literally came out of his ears, like you would see in a cartoon. Oh, that’s right! This IS pretty much like a cartoon. Anyway, back to the story…

 

Roger was quick to calm himself down and sit on the other side of Debbie.

 

“Roj, what are you doing?” Sam questioned.

 

“I’m sitting here!” Roger replied.

 

“Who is this, Sammy?” Debbie questioned.

 

“SAMMY?!!!” Roger screamed.

 

“I don’t think I like this guy. He’s scary…” Debbie interrupted.

 

“Don’t worry about him, Debbie. He’s just my best friend, Roger.” Sam concluded.

 

“HOW DARE YOU COME BETWEEN ME AND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!” Roger screamed some more.

 

“Love of your life? I JUST met you and you really DON’T make a good first impression…” Debbie said.

 

Roger immediately ran out of the classroom, crying the whole time. Debbie had a shocked look on her face…

 

“Don’t worry, Debs… Roger is a moron!” Sam explained.

 

“He’ll be back!” Sam concluded.

 

“I don’t think I want him to come back. He’s creepy!” Debbie replied.

 

Hours later, Sam and Roger were now at home after a long day at school. Roger told his parents about what happened and they had many comforting words.

 

“You like to write poetry, right, Roger? Why don’t you write Debbie a poem?” Mr. Morrison insisted.

 

“Good idea, honey! My, I can’t believe my little boy is in love!” Mrs. Morrison said.

 

“But, Mom and Dad, I think I made Debbie scared of me.” Roger explained.

 

“Nonsense, son… I crept out your mom, too, when we first met. There’s an old saying, son. ‘Creeper to Keep Her!’ Now, I ORDER you to write that poem. And if she tells you off, just follow her home like a lost puppy!” Mr. Morrison said.

 

“Creeper to Keep Her?” Wow, this is some terrible advice, but maybe writing a poem is a good idea. And follow her home like a lost puppy? I think that’s called stalking… Anyway, Roger went to bed for the night and morning arrived. He headed straight to school. Before going to bed that night, he wrote Debbie a poem. He immediately ran up to Debbie and apologized for yesterday.

 

“Debbie, I’m sorry I freaked you out yesterday. I’m not good with women. I wrote you a poem, though. I hope you like it!” Roger said.

 

“Aw, that’s sweet of you, Roger! Let me read it!” Debbie insisted.

 

Then and there, Roger handed Debbie the poem entitled “Bombshell Debbie” and it reads:

 

Bombshell Debbie
Sweetheart Debbie

If I could wear her skin

I would

 

Bombshell Debbie

Her I want to marry

Anywhere she goes

She’ll be followed by me

 

My dad told me an old saying

Creeper to keep her

Bombshell Debbie

I really need her

 

She smells of sunshine

And such pleasantries

I’ll keep her in my closet

With my sentimental things

 

-Roger Morrison

 

Wow, that is the creepiest poem I’ve EVER read! And Debbie thought likewise. She immediately ran as far away from Roger as she could.

 

“What’s wrong with her? It’s just a poem!” Roger thought to himself.

 

Wow, Roger, you need serious help. Anyway, Debbie ran to Sam and told him about Roger’s creeptastic poem.

 

“That’s just Roger’s charm, Debbie. He doesn’t really mean he’s going to keep you in a closet.” Sam insisted.

 

“I don’t care WHAT he meant. Keep that creep AWAY from me!” Debbie replied.

 

The school day was finally over. Roger felt upset that Debbie didn’t take to his poem. But then he remembered his father’s advice. As Debbie was walking home, Roger decided to follow her. Debbie noticed him behind her and began to walk faster and faster until she was finally running away at full speed. Roger was running as fast as he could to keep up with Debbie.

 

“Stay away from me, you creep!” Debbie screamed.

 

“But my dad said to creeper to keep her!” Roger insisted.

 

Before Roger could follow her all the way home, she decked him. There he was on the ground, knocked out and struck out. Poor Roger! He just wanted Debbie to like him. And this, my friends, is why Debbie wasn’t always warm towards Roger. Roger back in the day was a real creeper. But if you follow the comics, you know good and well that Roj and Debs are now a hot item.

 

Moral of the story: Being a creeper pays off in the end… Wait, WHAT?

-The End