Bombshell Debbie

By: Dwayne Eric McLeod

You may have thought that these dweebs, Sam and Roger, were awkward as prepubescent kids, but things got even CRAZIER when these idiots became teens. Their teenage hormones were raging; practically on fire, once they started going to Wondervalley High. You may have thought these idiots were annoying as children… Well, prepare to be even more annoyed by them.

It was the third month of high school in their freshman year. Roger was well-acquainted with his teachers, but was a total dork according to the other students. Sam, on the other hand, was popular with the students but NOT the teachers. The teachers didn’t like Sam too much because of his class pranks and refusal to take off his hat. He came up with many excuses to WHY he needed to wear the hat and the teachers thought it best not to fight him over it. Sam was on the Wondervalley High football team. The school mascot was a wombat for some stupid reason.

 

It was the last day of the school week when a new student was introduced to the class…

 

“Students, we have a new student. Go on, introduce yourself!” The teacher exclaimed.

 

“My name is Debbie Dearheart and I just moved here from Columbia. My dad is a Christian music producer and my mom is a chef. One day, I want to have a music store of my very own. It’s nice to meet y’all!” Debby nervously said.

 

Suddenly, Roger felt an embarrassing pain in his chest by looking at Debbie. He didn’t know what it was. He asked to be excused from class. He thought he was having a heart attack. The teacher told him to go to the school nurse right away.

 

“I feel nothing wrong with your heart, Mr. Morrison.” The nurse said to Roger.

 

“So, tell me everything that happened from the start and leave out no details. How did your chest start hurting?” The nurse continued.

 

“Well, there was a new student being introduced to the class and when I looked at her, it felt like my heart was about to burst. Is that life-threatening, doc?” Roger replied.

 

“It could be… You’re in LOVE, you moron!” The nurse concluded.

 

“OH NO! I’M TERMINAL!” Roger cried.

 

But Roger wasn’t the only one that liked Debbie. There was going to be a decade long competition against another man for Debbie’s affections. The other man in Debbie’s life was Roger’s own best friend, Sam Hicks.

 

As Roger was heading back to class, he saw Debbie and Sam sitting together, chatting and laughing. His entire face became beet red in a raging fury. Smoke literally came out of his ears, like you would see in a cartoon. Oh, that’s right! This IS pretty much like a cartoon. Anyway, back to the story…

 

Roger was quick to calm himself down and sit on the other side of Debbie.

 

“Roj, what are you doing?” Sam questioned.

 

“I’m sitting here!” Roger replied.

 

“Who is this, Sammy?” Debbie questioned.

 

“SAMMY?!!!” Roger screamed.

 

“I don’t think I like this guy. He’s scary…” Debbie interrupted.

 

“Don’t worry about him, Debbie. He’s just my best friend, Roger.” Sam concluded.

 

“HOW DARE YOU COME BETWEEN ME AND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!” Roger screamed some more.

 

“Love of your life? I JUST met you and you really DON’T make a good first impression…” Debbie said.

 

Roger immediately ran out of the classroom, crying the whole time. Debbie had a shocked look on her face…

 

“Don’t worry, Debs… Roger is a moron!” Sam explained.

 

“He’ll be back!” Sam concluded.

 

“I don’t think I want him to come back. He’s creepy!” Debbie replied.

 

Hours later, Sam and Roger were now at home after a long day at school. Roger told his parents about what happened and they had many comforting words.

 

“You like to write poetry, right, Roger? Why don’t you write Debbie a poem?” Mr. Morrison insisted.

 

“Good idea, honey! My, I can’t believe my little boy is in love!” Mrs. Morrison said.

 

“But, Mom and Dad, I think I made Debbie scared of me.” Roger explained.

 

“Nonsense, son… I crept out your mom, too, when we first met. There’s an old saying, son. ‘Creeper to Keep Her!’ Now, I ORDER you to write that poem. And if she tells you off, just follow her home like a lost puppy!” Mr. Morrison said.

 

“Creeper to Keep Her?” Wow, this is some terrible advice, but maybe writing a poem is a good idea. And follow her home like a lost puppy? I think that’s called stalking… Anyway, Roger went to bed for the night and morning arrived. He headed straight to school. Before going to bed that night, he wrote Debbie a poem. He immediately ran up to Debbie and apologized for yesterday.

 

“Debbie, I’m sorry I freaked you out yesterday. I’m not good with women. I wrote you a poem, though. I hope you like it!” Roger said.

 

“Aw, that’s sweet of you, Roger! Let me read it!” Debbie insisted.

 

Then and there, Roger handed Debbie the poem entitled “Bombshell Debbie” and it reads:

 

Bombshell Debbie
Sweetheart Debbie

If I could wear her skin

I would

 

Bombshell Debbie

Her I want to marry

Anywhere she goes

She’ll be followed by me

 

My dad told me an old saying

Creeper to keep her

Bombshell Debbie

I really need her

 

She smells of sunshine

And such pleasantries

I’ll keep her in my closet

With my sentimental things

 

-Roger Morrison

 

Wow, that is the creepiest poem I’ve EVER read! And Debbie thought likewise. She immediately ran as far away from Roger as she could.

 

“What’s wrong with her? It’s just a poem!” Roger thought to himself.

 

Wow, Roger, you need serious help. Anyway, Debbie ran to Sam and told him about Roger’s creeptastic poem.

 

“That’s just Roger’s charm, Debbie. He doesn’t really mean he’s going to keep you in a closet.” Sam insisted.

 

“I don’t care WHAT he meant. Keep that creep AWAY from me!” Debbie replied.

 

The school day was finally over. Roger felt upset that Debbie didn’t take to his poem. But then he remembered his father’s advice. As Debbie was walking home, Roger decided to follow her. Debbie noticed him behind her and began to walk faster and faster until she was finally running away at full speed. Roger was running as fast as he could to keep up with Debbie.

 

“Stay away from me, you creep!” Debbie screamed.

 

“But my dad said to creeper to keep her!” Roger insisted.

 

Before Roger could follow her all the way home, she decked him. There he was on the ground, knocked out and struck out. Poor Roger! He just wanted Debbie to like him. And this, my friends, is why Debbie wasn’t always warm towards Roger. Roger back in the day was a real creeper. But if you follow the comics, you know good and well that Roj and Debs are now a hot item.

 

Moral of the story: Being a creeper pays off in the end… Wait, WHAT?

-The End