The College Days

By: Dwayne Eric McLeod

So, after our previous tale, Debbie filed a restraining against Roger. It was now Sam and Roger's college days at Wondervalley U. Partying, boozing and women were NOT going to be what Sam & Roger's college days would be known for. Yup, they're boring Christians.

"Hey, Sam! What are you majoring in?" Roger questioned.

"I'm majoring in mechanics and taking a minor in art." Sam replied.

"What about you?" Sam continued.

"I'm going to become a teacher. Going off topic for a second, I asked my classmate Ronnie what his favorite worship song was. He looked at me like I was stupid." Roger mentioned.

"Ronnie is deaf, dude!" Sam replied.

"NO excuse! Don't they make music in Braille now?" Roger interrupted.

"Why, yes! How could I forget? It's like asking a blind person if they know sign language!" Sam replied whilst rolling his eyes.

"Anyway, moron, I have a serious test I need to study for. So, keep your trap shut!" Sam continued.

"Okay... Just one more thing! When will Debbie dump the restraining order against me? I miss her!" Roger questioned.

"Just give it six months and you'll be able to creep her again." Sam insisted.

"Thanks! I'm going to bed now! Goodnight!" Roger said.

"Night, pumpkin!" Sam replied jokingly.

Sam and Roger shared a dorm. Seemed fitting, since these two are going to live together a very LONG time, much to Sam's chagrin!

When morning arrived, Roger felt refreshed. Sam on the other hand, stayed up the entire night studying. Roger looked at Sam and noticed his eyes were completely bloodshot.

"You stayed up ALL night to study for your test?" Roger questioned.

"SHUT UP!" Sam yelled.

"Wait, what? I just asked a question..." Roger replied.

"Ask me another question and I'll break you!" Sam yelled some more.

Apparently when Sam lacked sleep, he was kind of a psychopath... Okay, not KIND OF, he IS a psychopath...

"I'm sorry, Sam! Have some coffee!" Roger insisted.

"Coffee? Good idea! Sorry, Roj! I turn into a madman without sleep." Sam replied.

As Roger continued to look at Sam, he noticed his eyes weren't only bloodshot, but filled with milky gunk. It looked terrible; like sour cream and expired milk with a yellow discharge... Is this description gross enough yet? GOOD!

"What are you looking at?" Sam asked.

"Dude, I think your eyes have an infection..." Roger replied.

"SHUT UP! It's because I have to look at YOUR ugly mug all day..." Sam screamed.

"Well... I'm going to class. You should probably pass on that test for the day..." Roger said while escaping the room before being pummeled to death by an angry Sam.

"I CAN'T pass up this test, you moron! My entire future DEPENDS on it... Speaking of which, I'm LATE!" Sam yelled, finally realizing he was the only one still in the room.

Sam ran as fast as he could to class. The professor wasn't pleased with his tardiness.

"Good to see you this morning, Mr. Hicks. With only seconds to spare! Take a seat!" The professor remarked.

Sam immediately took a seat as he was passed his test paper. Sam was panicking the whole time because he couldn't see. The infection in his eyes got worse. The worst part about it is he couldn't make out the words on the test.

In fear, he just kept filling out boxes on the test randomly until the test was over. He knew for certain he just flunked the biggest test of the year.

Sam, with the help of a couple college cuties, was led back to his dorm where Roger was already in his room.

"Hey, Sam! How did the test go?" Roger questioned.

"I think I've failed! I went blind due to the infection in my eyes and couldn't see the paper. So, I just filled it out randomly..." Sam said whilst crying.

"You can't see? I'll have to learn sign language now!" Roger remarked.

"You idiot! I'm blind, not deaf!" Sam yelled.

"Look on the bright side, though, Sam! You get to wear cool shades from now on!" Roger insisted, trying to cheer up his friend.

"If I could see your neck right now, Roger, I would strangle the life out of you!" Sam yelled some more.

"But think of all the possibilities of your blindness, Sam! Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles are fantastic at music because they are blind..." Roger continued.

"Please, stop talking. Being blind doesn't give me superpowers." Sam argued.

"Besides, I think it's only temporary. I had a couple guys bring me back to the dorm because I couldn't see..." Sam said.

"Guys? They were girls. Very cute girls I might add..." Roger interrupted.

"OH NO! I was touched by girls in an unbiblical way!" Sam panicked.

"Relax, Sam! They just held your hands to lead you back to the dorm..." Roger insisted.

"I was saving my hands for my future wife!" Sam cried.

"Sometimes I think you're an even bigger moron than me..." Roger argued.

Sam went right to bed and luckily the infection in his eyes cleared up overnight. He headed back to class reluctantly to see his test results.

"Mr. Hicks, despite only having seconds to spare before I locked the door yesterday, you ACED your test! I'm amazed you got ALL the answers right!" The professor remarked.

"You're a real idiot savant and I thought you were just an idiot! Well done, Hicks, well done!" The professor continued.

Not only did Sam get all the answers correct, no one else in the class did. He survived the first year of college with good marks.

Six months later, the restraining order against Roger was automatically lifted. The very minute it was lifted, Roger was at Debbie's dorm. Instead of being a creeper though, he left her a box of chocolates and flowers, with the card saying:

"I'm sorry for being such a creeper, Debbie! And don't worry! I didn't drug your chocolates!" -Roger

It was a sweet surprise, but Debbie still didn't know that much about Roger at the time and continued to avoid him.

Roger headed back to his dorm that night and saw Sam celebrating with wine.

"Wine, Sam? We don't drink..." Roger questioned.

"I was keeping this for a special occasion! I've passed with flying colors this year and I'm only one step away from becoming a mechanic." Sam remarked.

"Well, I have good news, too! The restraining order against me was lifted and I left Debbie some chocolates and flowers. I told her I'll stop being a creeper." Roger replied.

"So, pour me a glass of that, will yah?" Roger continued.

The two boys then chugged down a glass a piece and thought it was the most disgusting thing they ever tasted. And they were such lightweights, that they were both hung over in the morning. They spent the entire day throwing up with constant migraines. A good time was had by all!

Moral of the story: Being blind grants you superpowers... No, it doesn't!

-The End